Sunday, March 25, 2012

Keep Calm...and think like Katniss

This weekend was fabulous, as predicted.  Horse racing was fun, and I was able to get a very stylish new sun dress.


You can't really tell from this picture, but it was very stylish.  On a weird flashback note, John and I saw Hunger Games and I lost my mind.  Not from how spectacular the movie was, oh no.  I lost my mind due to a childhood flashback and I thought I was dying.

I'm being overly dramatic, but I'm not kidding.  I was SOBBING.  I usually cry, and usually about anything that makes me overly angry, happy, or sad.  In the words of Kristen Bell, "if I'm not in between a 3 and a 6 on the emotional scale, I'm gone."  But I was SOBBING and it came as a complete surprise because of two images in the movie.

Image one:


Trees.  For some reason, during the death of one of the kids, they show trees, and it completely brought me back to Coopersville.  Walking in the woods by myself, laying down, and just staring up at the trees.  Watching, and listening to the leaves.  Holy crap did it bring me back.  Brought me back so much I felt THERE.  The memory from when I was little, and the image on the screen collided inexplicably and I lost it, because I completely forgot about that moment.  Just being by myself and making up stupid songs in the woods and just staring at the trees, feeling the wind, finding a soft damp spot to lay down in and just stare.  I used to come home with leaves in my hair and a muddy coat and jeans.  And I missed it.  I missed that innocence.  I am crazy, I know. But it doesn't stop there.

To honor the child that died, Katniss covers her with these flowers:

 
And I lost it EVEN MORE!  To the point I was snotting and sobbing all over the place.  I was a train wreck.  Again, it was something from my childhood that I completely forgot about.  I used to pick those flowers/weeds every single chance I had.  I used to think they were so beautiful.  They were my favorite flower next to lilac.  I lost it.  I completely forgot about picking them from the edge of the corn field that butted up next to our yard.  My mom told me the name, but I forgot.  I had to google them.  How sad is that?  I loved those things, and I had to google them.  I wonder if they will grow in Texas.

I think the other thing that hit me to make me turn to a big glob of gross sobbing girl, is the fact that I want MY children to experience that.  To experience Queen Anne's lace, and walking in the woods listening to the leaves.  Not only that, but being allowed to walk by themselves, all by themselves, and experience all that God has to offer, without worrying about some weirdo kidnapping them.  I'm nervous that my kids will have to grow up in the suburbs, with rich kids who know nothing about riding horses, climbing hay bales, and exploring woods.

I want those memories for my kids.  So that way, when they turn 18 and can't wait to get the heck out of dodge, they'll have that innocence and those innocent memories, and can say they had a childhood.  Dear God I hope my kids can have that.         

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